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What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Einfach super :)
Okay… bei meiner ABF & ich haben wir beide zweisprachig & zweideutige Witze (ich kann beide Hindi & Deutsch), also wird es uns viel, viel lustiger xD
Aber, ich habe 1 für dich:
Wunderschöne lange Wurst,
Mach meine Hunger abgekürzt!
(Kontext: Ich hatte zum 1. Mal deutsche Würste gegessen & ich war in sie so beeindruckt dass ich diese Strophe schrieb. Nur viel später wusste ich wegen der ABF dass es zweideutig klingt :/ )
Gibt es solche “was-ist”-Witze eigentlich auch in Hindi?
Es ist mehr ein englisches Ding. Normalerweise wenn man diese was ist Witze machen geht es mehr um belästigen :/
¿Cómo se dice ‘autobús’ en alemán? Suben, estrujan, bajan!!
What does that mean? Google tranlate failed me :)
“¿Cómo se dice ‘autobús’ en alemán?” means “how do you say bus in German” and “Suben, estrujan, bajan!!” means basically “get on, squeeze in, and get off”. I’m not a native speaker in Spanish though, so I could be missing some nuance here.
Btw I don’t get the Klomate answer. I see the word Klo in there, but I can’t think of a German word for something that is red that looks like the word Klomate that would be sitting on a toilet. Can you help me out with that?
Sure, “Tomate” :). It’s REALLY stupid.
Now help me out in return and explain the bus one. Doesn’t that apply to every bus ever?
I understand the bus thing as much as I understand why there is a tomato sitting on a toilet lol.
I’ve found multiple articles that say the play on words deals with sexual assault of women in crowded busses. “squeeze” means to squeeze their boobs, “go down” instead of getting off the bus means for your hand to go down their pants. I have to yet figure out what this has to with German though. I google image searched it and pictures of hitler, swastikas, and VW mini-buses came back. I’m starting to think I don’t want to realize what the connection is. Maybe it is something as innocent ast the public busses are crowded like VW Mini-buses? Who knows.
The joke is completly inocent, and is about crowded buses and the way German Language sounds to people that does not speak it
My feeling is, the German connection is more the sounds the words make may remind people of the stereotypical way people think German sounds when you don’t speak it (the J in these verbs is a hard J sound, as in Jose”) , I guess we should bear in mind that most people would’ve watched 2WW movies and therefore think German is very sharp language and that people shout a lot and/or only give instructions or something. Before I ever came to Germany I also thought that sterotype was somehow true (hard language), after 6 years in Berlin I think can be very gentle too.
Pretty lame in my opinion.
You are completelly right, the Joke is to say “Suben, estrujan, bajan!!” as if it were one of those long German phrases (“Subenschtruchanbachan”) to pretend you are actually speaking German
And you are right is lame.
Greetings
Yes the German language often combines multiple words to create one large word to describe things more complicated. And other language speakers often admire that, whilst finding it funny and clever at the same time.
There should be a lot of people who learned German in New South Wales high schools long ago who know that there are indeed German jokes. Enough that the passage to translate from German to English in every German exam I did (at least 11 of them) was a joke of some sort. By the time the pattern was clear German exams were something to look forward to! I don’t remember any of the jokes, only the anticipation and enjoyment. And the fact that getting the punch line could help to fill gaps in the middle.
I suppose the New South Wales Education Department kept a substantial file of carefully graded German jokes. Sort of hope it’s still there somewhere. One of our final year texts was Frisch’s “Biedermann und die Brandstifter,” a seriously comic/comically serious play.
Deutsch may not be einfach but it really can be Spaß.
Another very old one that works in any language, so here’s an attempt in German – Was ist die einzige Zigarette mit einem Bild der Fabrik am Päckchen?
Camel.
Den versteh ich nicht… Hilfe bitte.
Das Bild am Päckchen ist eines Kamel. Die Zigaretten riecht oder schmeckt wie Kamelscheiße.
Selbstkorrektur – riechen oder schmecken
Ah… dann hatte ich es doch richtig verstanden :)
Was ist ein Nagetier vorm Frühstück?
Ein Leerschweinchen.
One in English that I’m sure was old when I was a child is = What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.
Beide superniedlich :)
Wie nennt man ein unverdauliches Brot, das nicht mehr da ist?
Stohlen
(Funktioniert vielleicht besser auf Englisch. Allerdings bin ich Komiker, und koennta dafuer meinen Job verlieren.)
Hilf mir mal… heißt ein unverdauliches Brot “stollen” auf Englisch?? (Du kannst auch anonym antworten, damit du keine Jobprobleme kriegst :)
Entschuldigung, ich habe deine Antwort gerade gesehen.
Es war ein Wortwitz mit ‘Stollen’ und ‘(ge)stohlen’. Ich meinte nur, dass es vielleicht besser als Englisch funktioniert, denn die Vergangenheit von ‘steal’ ‘stolen’ ist, statt ‘gestohlen’. Stollen ist aber hier (NZ) gar nicht so bekannt als in Deutschland (selber kenne ich es, aber ich meine, ich habe es nie gegessen).
Allerdings ist es ein total fuerchtbarer Witz. Vergiss mal, dass ich es geschrieben habe!
Kein Problem, ich mache auch viele schlechte Witze :). Eine kleine Sche… ich glaube, du hast “allerdings” falsch verwendet, aber ich bin nicht sicher.
Wie meintest du es in diesem Kontext?
Ach so. Du hast recht. Ich meinte “anyway”. Wahrscheinlich sollte ich ‘sowieso’/’jedenfalls’ gesagt haben.
“jedenfalls” is perfect. Or “auf jeden Fall”. “Sowieso” wouldn’t match.
Not sure if this fits the requirement…but here it goes:
Welche Stadt in Amerika hat die größte Zahl der Morde im Schlafzimmer?
Hackensack New Jersey!
maybe I should clarify – Welche Stadt in Amerika hat die größte Zahl der Axt Morde im Schlafzimmer?
Is that any better now? :/
So I think I got it :). But does the New Jersey play a role, too? Or is it just there because the city really exists?
Welches Auto fehlt eine Kupplung? Ein Auto.
Wait, I’m not sure I get it. Is it a jab at automatic transmission? Then I did get it :D. Kleine Korrekturen:
Welchem (Dativ) Auto fehlt eine (feminine) Kupplung? Einem Auto.
Mein Brudder hat diese Witze come up with (how do I say come up with in German?)
Obwohl er wirklich kein Deutsch kennt—er hat zwei woerter gelernt, genug fuer diese WortSpiel in zwei Sprache.
How do you say guerilla warfare in German?
AffeWaffe
What do you call the new girl working at the bank?
A Nutella
LOL!!! This one is amazing. Did you make that up??
OK, I can’t resist a challenge, so here’s my growner…
Wer steckt Brot in Reihen in den Ofen?
Ein Linebäcker
Hahaha… took me a second. These are the best ones.
ahaha, ohhh trumpet. Yes…. unfortunately a trumpet. He really does suit his name.
We definitely have those kind of jokes in New Zealand. I think we like sarcasm a lot and a twisted sense of humour (have you seen the flight of the conchords? Movies which display our sense of humour pretty good are ‘two little boys’, ‘boy’ and ‘hunt for the wilderpeople’. We like laughing out our ignorant, laid-back selves and also the annoying Australians.
I know a few classics in the style you mentioned:
What’s brown and sticky? (A stick)
What’s white and black and red all over? (A newspaper)
Is that “red all over” a jab at the newspapers being all leftie/commie?
it doesn’t work as well in writing…when you say it, people naturally think “red”, but actually it’s “read”. i.e., What’s black and white and read all over.
Ohhh… ach soooo :)
Was macht eine “leichte” Mahlzeit am Morgen?
Frühbirne
:D… nice! (kleine Korrektur: was ist would be better than “was macht”. German doesn’t have this “so and so makes for a …” phrasing.
A Trumpet! Sorry, I don’t know many such jokes. There is: “Was ist ein Cowboy ohne Pferd? Ein Sattelschlepper!” (What’s a cowboy without horse? A saddle carrier/truck traktor train [is that the right word?]) and let me think of one: “Was ist ein türkischstämmiger, islamischer Schweizer? Ein Müsli’!” (What is a Turkish, Islamic Swizz? [word that sounds like the German moslem but with Swizz ending -li which makes it the word for cereals])
That works in English, too, actually. And even without the Swiss part (though that’s neat, too)
– Which breakfast preys to Allah? A Musli.